SEXUAL ADDICTION

Sexual addiction is rapidly becoming recognized as a major social problem with similarities well known to alcohol and drug addiction or compulsive gambling. The sexually addicted individual becomes addicted to the neuro-chemical changes that take place in the body during sexual behavior, much as a drug addict becomes hooked on the effects of ‘shooting’ heroin. This is not to say that the expression of one as a sexual being, an intensely pleasurable life-enhancing experience for the majority of the population, is an inherently addictive reality. Contrary to enjoying sex as a self-affirming source of physical pleasure, the sex addict has learned to rely on sex for comfort from pain, for nurturing or relief from stress; this is comparable to the alcoholic's purposeful use of alcohol.
The beginnings of sexual addiction are usually rooted in adolescence or childhood. For instance, the child often grows up in a chaotic, hostile or neglectful home; or the family may have been very normal otherwise, but the child grows up emotionally starved for love because affection is rarely expressed. The child may turn repeatedly to masturbation to escape the parents' violent arguments, for instance, or to make up for an unconscious lack of attention or affection. Masturbation should be a normal and natural part of childhood, but for the lonely, abused or rejected child it can become a regular sedative to hide the inner pain. Gradually sex becomes a replacement for other things, a convenient act to turn to in times of any kind of need, from escaping boredom to feeling anxious, to being able to go to sleep at night.
Alternately, the child may be introduced to sex in inappropriate ways. Instead of the normal sexual experimentation that often takes place out of curiosity between similar aged children during growing up, some children are subjected to pedophilia (an adult engaging in sexual activity with a child). Or the person introducing the child to sexual experiences may be another child who is five or more years older (i.e. an older cousin, babysitter, etc.), where the sexual experience doesn't feel mutual. In these experiences there often is a combination of natural curiosity, newfound pleasurable feelings and the feelings of fear or shame. The fear and shame may be increased by threats made by the older person to gain the child's cooperation and to prevent the child from telling anyone about it.
A pattern may be established of seeking out similar experiences throughout the person's life where there is a combination of sexual pleasure and fear or shame. When the child grows up he may be turned on by sex in high-risk situations that unconsciously generate fear, or in secretive circumstances that feed on shame.

Some Characteristics of Sex Addiction
The sexual behavior is shameful. The addict feels shame about what he or she is doing, or more accurately about what he or she has done, usually immediately after engaging in sex acts that violate some of the person's standards. Or the shame may be denied by calling it normal for ‘a real man’ - or by focusing on others, "She wanted it.” Thus a married man may feel remorse after having sex with his best friend's wife, rationalize that his friend wasn't sexually satisfying her and avoid going to bed with his own wife afterward, all in a vain attempt to deny there is a problem or that he has done anything wrong.
The sexual behavior is secret. The sex addict more and more comes to live a double life – perhaps well known, respected and admired in more visible life, but secretly engaging regularly in sexual acts that might be shocking to those who know and love them. So (for example) a sexually addicted minister could be revered on Sunday morning for preaching on the sinfulness of adultery and fornication, and then engage in those behaviors himself at a modeling studio or adult bookstore on Monday afternoon. Or a man might tell his relationship partner that he is going to visit a friend but goes to a park to cruise for anonymous sex instead.
The sexual behavior is abusive. It violates someone else's choice or exceeds their understanding. For example, a man who manipulates or coerces his date into being sexual with him, or the woman in a partially unbuttoned blouse who bends down toward an unsuspecting male co-worker and "accidentally" exposes her breast, or the man who seeks out crowded shopping malls so he can meander among the throng to ‘cop a feel’. Much worse are adult men and women who manipulate the trust of children, and abuse their power over them by tricking them into performing sexual acts with them. The sex may also be abusive to the sex addict, such as masturbating to the point of physical injury or cutting or pinching oneself for sexual arousal.